If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
