My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
