do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
