Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
