What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
