Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
soo... how was my night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
