i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
