Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
