he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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