I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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