i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I can text with my tongue
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
