I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
