I accidentally burped into my bong.
i would punch a child for taco bell
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
