Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
