You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
