I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
