had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize