Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
