he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
