Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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