The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
