it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can't special order awesome
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
