It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
