Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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