No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
