Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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