I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
