Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
