Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize