I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize