its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
