We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
