I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
