like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
