You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
