So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
