I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
