How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
