If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
