you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
