Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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