Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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