Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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