he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
