I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everclear isn't food dammit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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