My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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