you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
