worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
