The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
