hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
