Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
