Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
