maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
