Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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