oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Its about making memories worth repressing
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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