why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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