What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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