who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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