I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
