I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
