My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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