Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize